Can I just say...

what a long day yesterday was. And what a night. A good news phone call turned into me saying something that I did not expect to come out of my mouth. At least at that moment anyways. I was floored to hear what the other person said, and I couldn't say anything back. I always do. I'm a demanding person when it comes to relationships and not one word but maybe an "I don't know" came out of my mouth. It was to the point the other person asked if I was still on the line because he heard nothing but static. I even hung up at one point pretending my phone lost signal because I just had no answer. I somehow ended it by mustering an excuse to finish my paper. I was in hysterics, which I have cried like that before but it was different this time. I had to call someone. I let a message on AIM for one of my best friends (away from here) to call me ASAP that I was in hysterics and I had no idea what to do. Right away I got her call and broke down even more than I thought possible. Then, we both realized we couldn't do anything else. All I wanted was to see her and get the biggest hug and couldn't. We both felt helpless. I called one of my best friends here and she came running with the goods and I ran out to meet her and it was the most relieving thing in the world that I still have people in my life. For two hours, we made a pros and cons list to help me clear my head and figure out what decision I should make. In between, we had some laughs and got some steam off by breaking one of my ramen noodle boxes, shredding and bending all the pieces, then throwing it down the hallway. It sounds silly but I felt liberated especially because I hate littering period lol. Anyways, I realized I had to call that person back if I really wanted my head clear. I couldn't wait another night. I called and told that person that I was wrong and I didn't want what I said earlier. I only said it because I was overwhelmed by all of his good news and all the great things in his life, I was offering to step back for him even though I didn't know what he really wanted, which was that he does have plenty of room in his life for me still, not the opposite. So now, I'm left to do more things with my time, to be more patient, and see where time takes both of us. It'll be tough, but I know I made the right decision for now. A lot of the pressure is off, so hopefully I can feel the cool breeze in my life again.