Better

So this is the first week I've been truly over it. I think? At least to some extent. The tears are gone. The memories have faded. I'm not really longing for him. It finally feels in the past. It's done. Every single day, it's minimizing in my head. It's a great feeling. It's unfortunate that taking him out of my life is what I had to do, but it's what has finally worked. I can't say everything is gone. But it's certainly gotten better. He isn't a good friend for me to have in my life. He isn't the person I fell for anymore. So the best solution I can think of is to keep my distance. Because he will never know what he wants from me. He thinks he wants a friendship, but he has never been able to be that friend he claims he wants to be for me. 

I got my wisdom teeth pulled out this week and it felt like nothing. I've become so strong going through this heartbreak(I suppose that's what its called) that I don't think there's anything that can make me feel so weak or saddened or upset again. I forgot that before going into this relationship I was a really strong girl. A friend pointed that out to me and I forgot that's who I was. For eight months, I turned into a girl I wasn't. I cried constantly. Well now, I'm stronger than I've ever been. My emotions aren't overtaking me. 

I can't even begin to describe the lessons I've learned and this journey that God took me on for a reason. Although it's nowhere near the outcome I wanted, I've still walked away with everything. I've always known how valuable I am for the beauty I have in the inside, but even more so now walking away from this, I know my worth. Being vulnerable isn't the right way to be with someone and I became so vulnerable and dependent and it wasn't me. Sure it's okay to show you have vulnerability, but I literally wore all my emotions on my sleeve and it wasn't healthy. It scared the other person since he couldn't fulfill all those expectations that I wasn't even fulfilling for myself. One person couldn't take care of my weaknesses. I didn't realize until now I was so emotionally weak and unstable that I was putting it on another person and that isn't something someone can do for you. I have to be able to do that on my own.